Don’t Date A Girl Who’s Ambitious

I am getting pretty tired of seeing blogposts with titles like “Date A Girl Who Travels,” “Don’t Date A Girl Who Travels,” “Date A Girl Who Reads HuffPost,” “Don’t Date A Girl Who Reads HuffPost.” You can date whoever you want, as long as you don’t lecture me about on your inspirational blog.

Anyway… Before this trend gets shutdown once and for all, I want to add to the cadre of literature. So without further ado…

Don’t Date A Girl Who’s Ambitious

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Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. She will have a job, or two, or be actively hunting for jobs. She will expect you to have a job. If you don’t have a job, she will be looking for jobs for you. You’ll never get to sit on your ass playing video games again. Her job will require her to go to bed early and wake up early and sometimes work nights and weekends.

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. She will not take kindly to being woken up in the middle of the night for sex. The middle of the night is reserved for rest or work. But she might make you wake up before work to have sex. Basically, having sex will be done on her schedule. She will spend at least 15 minutes a day figuring out how to make the sex better. During this 15 minutes, she will also be at the gym, knitting a sweater, or cooking an awesome meal. Because she doesn’t have 15 minutes to spend doing nothing but thinking about sex.

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. She will have things to do that are more important than watching tv or going to shows or waiting for you to get dressed. When she is watching tv or going to shows or getting dressed, she is watching her favorite tv show or seeing her favorite musician, or putting on clothes that will help her look like one million dollars. She doesn’t have time to dick around. So she won’t like it when you do.

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. She may make more money than you. If she doesn’t make more money than you now, she will someday. If she’ll never make more money than you, it’s because her ambition lies in a field where she’s focused on saving the world and not on making money. 

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. If she is a writer, comedian, artist, or musician, she will feel no qualms about exploiting your foibles for the purpose of her art. If it costs her the relationship, the recognition or laughter gained from it, will outweigh the sadness that she feels. If you break her heart, you’d better believe she’ll write a mean song about you.

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. She will try too hard to help you succeed. Her ferocity may terrify you. If she takes a break from pursuing her own goals to help you achieve yours, she will not take kindly to refusals for help.

Don’t date a girl who’s ambitious. It will be a job in and of itself. But it will be totally worth it when you get to promote literacy or fight obesity as First Dude, or appear as arm candy at the Emmys. You don’t really need to hang on to those old-fangled notions about masculinity anyway. Plus the sex will be awesome. She doesn’t have time for anything less, and soon, you will find that you don’t either.

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2 comments

  1. Tom LeFave · · Reply

    yikes

    Title should be don’t date a narcissist

    1. arthusferrum · · Reply

      http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

      Oy, maybe make an argument or suggest improvement? The door of Narcissus swings both ways.

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