Romance: A Trajectory

In honor of Valentine’s Day, dedicated to my friend Cynthia. I apologize for the image quality. Maybe Cupid will bring me a scanner. Maybe that’s not actually how this holiday works.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, wherever you are!




It all begins in… Preschool.

I want to marry Michael from Barney.

By middle school, my friends had caught up. “I want a boyfriend!”

But the boys had not. “Bewbs. Cooties.”

High school brought longing, jealousy and despair. “What’s wrong with me?!?”

Then I got a good haircut. For a blissful 3 month period, I was (how shall I put it?) Dripping in it. “Boys, take a number.”

Then college… And it all started again. “I want a boyfriend!”

Then, I got a boyfriend. Then I got a different boyfriend. Then I got a different boyfriend (not all at the same time. For the most part).

It went like this…


When it ended…



Then one day…

Casual sex… “Bleah.”

I’m an independent woman! I don’t need any men to make me happy! I only need myself!

Oh psych… Wasn’t counting on meeting somebody…

I’M SO IN LOV… “ve?”

But it didn’t last long

Oh. Okay.

There was a period of despair. “My life is a country song. Boo hoo.”

Bargaining. “I wish I could go back in time and date that one guy from college.”

And then, one day, it was all over. I felt nothing. I didn’t want or need a boyfriend. Like, at all. “Huh.”

I was free! (4 variations of the word “yes”).

Well, at least for now…

But for real, let me know if you have Michael from Barney’s number…

Happy Valentines Day!



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