Romance: A Trajectory

In honor of Valentine’s Day, dedicated to my friend Cynthia. I apologize for the image quality. Maybe Cupid will bring me a scanner. Maybe that’s not actually how this holiday works.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, wherever you are!

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Text:

It all begins in… Preschool.

I want to marry Michael from Barney.

By middle school, my friends had caught up. “I want a boyfriend!”

But the boys had not. “Bewbs. Cooties.”

High school brought longing, jealousy and despair. “What’s wrong with me?!?”

Then I got a good haircut. For a blissful 3 month period, I was (how shall I put it?) Dripping in it. “Boys, take a number.”

Then college… And it all started again. “I want a boyfriend!”

Then, I got a boyfriend. Then I got a different boyfriend. Then I got a different boyfriend (not all at the same time. For the most part).

It went like this…

I’M SO IN LOVE!

When it ended…

CASUAL SEX!

x3

Then one day…

Casual sex… “Bleah.”

I’m an independent woman! I don’t need any men to make me happy! I only need myself!

Oh psych… Wasn’t counting on meeting somebody…

I’M SO IN LOV… “ve?”

But it didn’t last long

Oh. Okay.

There was a period of despair. “My life is a country song. Boo hoo.”

Bargaining. “I wish I could go back in time and date that one guy from college.”

And then, one day, it was all over. I felt nothing. I didn’t want or need a boyfriend. Like, at all. “Huh.”

I was free! (4 variations of the word “yes”).

Well, at least for now…

But for real, let me know if you have Michael from Barney’s number…

Happy Valentines Day!

 

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