A List of Things to Do

The funny thing about being incredibly busy, is that it tends to breed mental busyness as well. So on the night last week when I stayed up until 1:30 on a 15 hour workday trying to finish up a project, I did not hit the hay at 1:45 and fall into a dreamless slumber. Instead, I stayed up until 2:30 “plotting” a trip or an article or a cover band.

I’ve had a ton of ideas during manic work phases of my life, and very few of them actually go anywhere. So here’s a list, in hopes that writing these ideas down in a public place will make me more accountable.


  • Long-form journalism piece on dating a touring musician
  • Urine-Nation: Why Is Pee Less Funny than Poop? (This is a book I already have outlined in a word document. It includes chapters on peeing in the shower, peeing outdoors, and a slew of other things that I’ve never gotten down to writing).
  • Urine-Nation’s sequel “Fecal Matters”
  • Science and the Bible – a children’s book where I relate science to the kinds of Bible stories that children often read in Sunday school. I’m not trying to debunk them or anything but say for instance, we’ll tell the story of Noah’s Ark, and then I’ll teach them about the science of rainbows. Jonah and the whale? We’ll learn about ocean ecosystems. That one chapter when every one is getting “begat?” How babies are made. Ok, just kidding about the last one.


  • Loretta Gin & Patsy Recline – I am one half of a female country duo that only sings classic country covers performed by women. Perhaps if there is enough interest, we can add Dolly Fartin’ or Tammy One-hit.
  • Cuntry – an all-female outlaw country group
  • Iron & Wino – performance art meets jug band. I begin the show with a full bottle of wine. The wine bottle is a wind instrument. As I drink the wine, the pitch changes. By the end of the show, the sound is entirely different, the bottle of wine is empty and I have either passed out from lack of oxygen, or complete intoxication, or both.
  • Me and some dude that I’m dating (the hardest part about this will be finding some dude to date who also likes good country music and plays guitar and doesn’t mind that I don’t have the voice of an angel) are a folk duo. And we play shows and we have a tumultuous relationship on and off-stage. And eventually we break each others’ hearts and it’s really sad but DAMMIT if we haven’t had a good run and years later when we’re both happily married and/or institutionalized, we’ll bump into each other on the street or in a therapists’ office and spontaneously break into “I Will Always Love You.”
  • Meatloaf cover band reunion tour. We will get Bat Out of Hell this time!

Fiber Arts:

  • Make a dress that didn’t begin its life as a pillow case.
  • Finish my 2nd quilt
  • Make piece with the fact that the sweater I knitted has sleeves that are too short, and that I am never going to want to fix them. Wear that sweater with pride as I write about urine or learn outlaw country songs.

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